It’s 8am and I’m already pissed at everything around me.
This is how it’s been for years now and the universe or whomever created this shit hole needs to fucking leave me alone and give me a break.
In all my years, I’ve never been so angry at the world, the universe, life.
0 out of 5 stars.
Would not recommend.
Today was a shitty day. I have been working on changing my circumstances
to start caring for my mental health.
And yet again, life has disappointed me by giving me the shitty end of the stick.
What’s worse is that I was given hope.
Only for things to fall apart through no fault of my own.
It’s frustrating, to say the least.
It’s funny,
I don’t believe in luck anymore,
but I still blame bad luck all the time.
I feel the same about Religion.
They both have abandoned me.
It has been 9 years since my Mother passed.
As I sit here remembering her life, love, wisdom and warmth, it is impossible to ignore the void left behind by her absence.
In my opinion, losing a parent is like losing a compass that always pointed towards love and understanding.
The journey without them is very challenging.
No matter how much time has passed.
It’s my Father’s birth date today and like I’ve said before, I share little stories about him so he will never be forgotten.
Dad was a big fan of music and arts. He has influenced me greatly with the way I listen to different genres and how to appreciate them.
Mostly because he would crank his stereo system on full blast on a Saturday morning while I nurse a massive hangover.
So wether I liked it or not, I got used to listening to a mixture of songs from The Police, to Everly Brothers and all the way to a roaring Pavarotti.
Dad contributed a lot to the music in my life.
But, this picture here is his music.
My siblings.
His Magnum Opus.
And it’s my favourite one of all time.
Happy Birthday, Dad.
I miss you lots.
My awesome friend, Anne from Herschelle.net sent me another set of postcards
from wherever in the world she was in.
I have mentioned this many times before on all my social media handles,
but let me tell you how much this one means to me.
I have not been in a good place mentally lately.
And by “Lately” I mean a couple of years. (Maybe three or four)
Everything seems to be not going my way.
There has been a lot of disappointments, heartaches and hurt.
Music hasn’t helped.
Binge watching and binge eating hasn’t helped.
Even prayers didn’t help.
I have been so angry and furious at everything
that I seem to be numb and desensitized from any joy life can bring.
There is always something to mess you up,
no matter how much you work, strive, pray and hope.
But today was different.
When I got these cards in the mail, I got reminded of good friends.
Good friends who lift you up even when they’re thousands of miles away.
Friends who never forget you and truly know your worth.
Anne here had to go through the trouble of picking these postcards.
Taking her time to write, then go to the post office, spend money and mail them.
People like her are rare and should be cherished.
I do cherish her a lot even though we haven’t seen each other in years.
She never gets tired of sending me these cards and I would never take it for granted.
Thank you again, Anne.
Your kindness and thoughtfulness has truly made your friend’s day.
To my fellow Mandalorian fanatics.
Season 3 starts today,
so let me share this audition photo
Nori and I submitted to Disney.
I didn’t get the part, of course.
But they did call and asked about the cat.
A couple of days ago, my good friend, Mike shared a YouTube video of mine into our Viber group chat.
I suppose he was just browsing some videos and it popped up on his feed.
Mike is also a very talented artist with an awesome voice. We used to sing together as well. We often break out into song to the annoyance of everyone around us.
Then yesterday, my other good friend, Maita messaged me and told me that she heard another song I covered not too long ago.
Maita is also a music enthusiast.
She has a good ear for music and even learned guitar at one point and was actually very good.
She told me she heard this one and remembered me.
At a grocery store of all places.
As a musician, I feel honoured when my friends listen to my renditions or if they tell me hearing some songs reminded them of me.
It actually made me pick up my guitar and started playing again.
But, as usual. It sounded horrible, ghastly and empty. I suppose that’s what you get from a guy who has fallen out of love with music.
So, I stopped.
Don’t get me wrong. I still love listening to music or watch other musicians play. It’s my music playing that has gotten horrible in the last couple of years and quite frankly, I feel like it got tired of me too.
More like, “abandoned” is how it truly feels.
Playing music is like a prayer to me. The notes I hit come from within.
All I ask is that for it to be heard.
Lately it just ignored me.
It has turned a deaf ear to my cries.
Much like my prayers, I guess.
Oh well. Maybe someday. I’ll pick up my instruments and play again.
Maybe.
Someday.
As you may have noticed,
I started a protected post here on my site
not too long ago.