One of the things I learned about myself
is that… I am still learning about myself.

I am a grown adult.
I am done with school.
I have completed the official stage of learning in my life.
But apparently,
not the “real” learning.

I compared this realization while driving home
and coming across some construction workers on the road.

At this day and age, you would think that
the construction of roads would be done by now.
Or you would think, once they are done laying out the concrete
and asphalt, they would be done with it.

It is not, and they are not.

New roads are still being built to reach new places.
Much like in life, where you want to reach new goals.

Old roads are being resurfaced. Reinforced.
Much like in life where you re-strengthen yourself
From the “wear and tear” effect of experience.

I say this because not too long ago
I was talking to a friend about relationships
and life in general.

I noticed that as I put in my views and my experiences,
I began to get to know myself better.
Understand myself more.

But as I think more on it,
I realized that the things I say
were collected by my theories.
Theories from experience.

That’s what I have composed
for me to be able to understand my life.

I try to theorize the reasons why
things happen the way they do.

I know I really don’t need to.
I am not a philosopher.
Or a psychiatrist.
Not even a Therapist?

I don’t know why I theorize a lot of things
and try to find reasons why.

Like in life.
I don’t think that “Karma” is real.
I think it is just something that people invented to make you feel bad.

Or maybe they’re right that it’s just another form of the “Golden Rule.”
But “Karma” has a more sinister way of saying it, doesn’t it?

In relationships,
I think relationships fail because one gives out “unconditional love”
and the other gives out “unconditional like.”
That’s never going to work.

“You are a big part of the relationship you are pursuing.
If someone isn’t willing to pursue you, then what’s the point?”

Right?

I am also a firm believer of the saying
“Everything happens for a reason.”

True.
Except when you keep on making the same decisions
and keep having the same mistakes.

I don’t know.
These theories I have may have been from experiences.
Maybe from quotes I have come across.
Maybe even from books that I’ve read.

But I really didn’t know why
I have to give a theory for everything.

I don’t have to share them.
Sharing them doesn’t really make me feel better.

Then I realized that, that was it!

That these theories
“my theories”
are not for anyone else.

They are for me.

With all the problems
And anger,
And heartbreak,
And hate,

These theories I have
are for “me.”

My biological or intellectual defense to not destroy myself.
I make it to make myself feel better.
To strengthen my life for more experiences to come.

Because this road I am on
is always under construction.

Did that make any sense at all?
Of course not.