Date of letter:
Sometime in March of 2004

From:
Revenue Canada

Message:
We have an unclaimed check here in our agency
with an amount of $500 for your Child Tax Benefit.
It has been here since Oct. of 2003.
Please give us a call so we can update our files and mail you the check.

Sometime between that original date, and the present time,
that check has been mailed to us,
received,
mailed back to bank in Canada,
deposited,
and spent.

Date of letter:
June 18, 2004

Date letter received:
June 24, 2004

From:
Revenue Canada

Message:
We have determined that you were overpaid, with an amount of $300.
We may use all or part of any current or future entitlement to reduce this debt.
Please use the enclosed envelope for your payment.

Sometime between reading this letter, and writing this post.
I have this in mind,

This mistake was not seen between the months of Oct 2003 until June of 2004?
Probably done by someone who the government hired for the summer,
who can’t tell their 5’s from 2’s.

For crying out loud Canada, leave me the hell alone!
I am tired of getting stress from you!
You’ll get your money when I get it.

“I can’t hear you Dad. I have a banana in my ear!”

I have been a “stay-at-home” dad now for….

Wait let me re-phrase that.

I have been a “Domestic Engineer” for more than a year now.
And I must admit, this really is the hardest job I ever had.

Sometimes, I am just so Mr. Mom ‘ed out,
I feel like I am going to lose my mind.
Sometimes whenever Tracy comes home from work,
and she takes care of Tyler,
I had to go in our bedroom and give myself an attitude adjustment.
You just have to find ways to clear your mind.

It’s also hard when you spend most of your day,
watching Sesame Street,
Teletubbies,
Boobah,
and Blues Clues.

It’s not that bad, really.

Blues Clues is funny,
Teletubbies is just plain weird.
Plus I think the teletubby-land hills, where they live,
is where Peter Jackson filmed the Shire.
Check it out. I kid you not.

Boobah I can’t stand.
I can actually feel my IQ drop when I see that show.
Even Tyler doesn’t pay attention to it.
It’s just the only show right between Sesame Street and Teletubbies.
I just don’t trust puppets who make farting sounds when they walk.

I do love Sesame Street.
That show taught me the English language when I was a kid.
Not to mention who the people are in my neighborhood.
You know, the people that you meet each day?

Well, except for that 5 dollar prostitute that comes out every night.
I wasn’t allowed to go out at that time. So I never actually met her.
But I heard she was quite nice.

But anyway,
As much as I like that show,
I kinda miss the old Sesame Street.

I miss Kermit.
I miss it when he’s out reporting for the news.
Oh well, I guess you just have to answer when Hollywood calls.

Didn’t Oscar the Grouch used to be Orange?
Or is it just me?

I can’t stand Baby Bear.
He needs to learn his pronunciations of R’s and W’s.

They need to have someone as cool as The Count.

Elmo is Tyler’s favorite.
He’s cool and all, but he is starting to get on my nerves.

Elmo is not the Bread and Butter of that show.
You just see him a lot because kids like him.
He is not the most hardworking of them all.
You know who is?

Grover!

Grover is my man!

He’s a waiter at that restaurant,
He reports from other places in the world,
He delivers the mail,
He’s also a musician and a singer,
And along with teaching kids as a professor,
he’s a pretty cool superhero too.
(and don’t you think Grover and Yoda have the same voice?)

Cookie Monster is great as well.
I love the way he struggles with himself,
If he was going to eat that cookie with a letter, or not.
He is really funny.

Ernie and Bert has taught me the meaning of friendship.
They argue and agree on so many things.
Even though Ernie’s got that obsession with his rubber duckie,
And Bert with the pigeons, I still like those two.
Inspite of the gay rumours that surrounds them.

Big Bird is just freaky.
Even I started to doubt him about his invisible, imaginary friend,
Snufflela….snuflepag….snufu….. The Elephant!
Crap I can’t spell it.

But, now everybody can see that Snufflelapagus guy.
Because it’s just too weird to hear voices and pretend you’re talking to someone.
People will start talking about you.
That’s not good.

I also learned some Spanish words, because of Maria and Luis,
Abierto, Cerrado, Gracias, Si, Que Pasa, Uno, Dos, Tres Cervesas Por Favor,
Leche, Besa Mi Culo, Punyeta! ….wait……
I think I learned those somewhere else.

It was also so funny,
When my brother and I would act out scenes from that show,
and my nieces would laugh so hard at us.
I think it’s because they know the show,
or we just look silly and stupid.

Anyhow, Sesame street has been the official kid’s show worldwide.
Even a spin off was created back home in the Philippines. – (Batibot)

So in conclusion,
Even though I whine and complain about being at home,
not having a job.
And the stress of being a Mom.

I just take a look at that picture on top of this post.

And it’s all so worth it.
I wouldn’t trade it for anything else.

— this little update was brought to you by,
The letter “F”.
And “U”.
And by the number, “11”.

To Mike and Becky.
A bouncing baby boy!
Fun times ahead for you guys.
Cherish every moment.

Check out Mike’s site here —-> BMnet.ca

Have you ever known or talked to someone who just doesn’t get it?
I mean, I understand some people are just plain assholes,
but some people just don’t get it.

Now I know, I too am guilty of this from time to time.
But I blame that on alcohol, fatigue, stress or just plain stupidity.
But at least, I have a sense of humour.
(I spell humor with a “u” because we Canadians love to shove it in there)

Is it a difference in our upbringing?
Is it the way our surroundings influence us?
Is it just that some people have no sense of humour?

You know what I am talking about.
You have seen these types of people.

They are the anal-retentive ones at your workplace.
They are the ones who look so serious at the airport,
walking very fast like they have to be somewhere important.
They are the ones who talk throughout the movie and kick your seat too.
The ones who talk so loud on their cell phones,
reading each and every movie title at Blockbusters, like it’s a life or death situation.

The ones who think their job is so important and stressful
that they make everything miserable for you too.
Insurance people, Bank and Loan managers, the lady at the Driver’s License Bureau.

You know what I’m talking about.

Here’s a perfect example.

When we were in Philadelphia last week,
Walking down it’s streets like a Bruce Springsteen song,
We wanted to get ourselves some Philly Cheese Steak,
Because that’s what you do when you are in Philly.
(Well, that and run up Rocky Balboa’s famous steps)

So anyway, we found this little restaurant bar that serves them.
So “in” we go right? I rolled Tyler’s stroller towards the door.

But then the Server at the bar hollered at me and she said,
“I can’t have the kid inside here; you must take him upstairs to the restaurant.”

I looked up, and saw the spiral staircase that leads to the 2nd floor.
There is no way will I lug the stroller up there
with all these children toys and paraphernalia’s.

So I looked at her, then I looked at the stairs and looked at her again.
With a smile on my face, I said:
“Can the kid stay if he orders a beer?”

The lady looked at me like I was Apollo Creed disrespecting Rocky.
She just had that empty look on her face waiting for me to leave.

It was a joke! Geez!

Oh and here’s another one.

While on the plane back home,
Tracy and I were annoyed at how rude the flight attendants were,
like they are the ones who own the plane.

This airline shall remain nameless, due to confidentiality reasons.
All I can say is that this airline,
D elays E very L uggage T hrough A tlanta.

So anyway,
I won’t go through the details how they were rude to us because,
well, because it’s a long story and I am getting kinda hungry.
Just know that they are bitches to the highest degree.

Back to my story,
The passenger beside us was asking the flight attendant
where he can change his 11 day old baby’s diaper.

Of course, she was rude to him too,
saying that it’s impossible for him to do that since there are no changing area on the plane.

The guy was kind enough to understand and told her that it was not her fault.

Then the flight attendant said,
“See, these planes were made in the 70’s.
Not very many people fly with babies back then.”

Then she looked at us too, trying to give us the hint.

So I said,
“Well, the reason why not very many people fly in the 70’s,
is because most of them are already high.”

Then she looked at me like I shouldn’t be in that flight.
She probably wondered how I got past security.
While the guy beside me was laughing,
and tried to explain to her my little remark.
Still the lady didn’t get it.

These are just examples of my little rant.

Some people get it.
Some people don’t.

Just like what Dr. Phil said,
“Be the one who gets it.”

You know, I hope this world we live in is just a great big joke.
Because, I surely don’t get it.

Music was one of my parts … like my blood.
It was a necessity for me, like food or water.
— Ray Charles (1930 – 2004)

The thing about Ray Charles is that,
when he sings his songs and when he sings a note,
he “feels” that note.

It’s like it is coming from somewhere deep within.

Thank you very much, Sir Charles.

Now I know I live in the States – Thoughts and observations #3

There is one thing I would like to try.

I would like to try and not watch the news for like a week.
Maybe a month.
And see how much it affects my stress level.

Living here in the States surely has elevated my stress color to Orange or Red,
or whatever color signifies “paranoia“.

Every single day,
Somebody gets shot.

Every single day,
There is a major car wreck, causing major traffic.

Every single day,
A child gets abducted.

Every single day,
Another American soldier gets killed.

The weather threatens to disrupt your everyday plans.
Either you’ll die from heat stroke, or blown away by a tornado,
or drown in a hurricane flood, or be evacuated from forest fires.

In Canada, we only have two weather seasons.
Winter and Road Construction.
That’s it!
Either you’ll die from freezing or you’ll die from car repair costs.
Plain and simple.

Also, in Canada, people there use their turn signal lights when they drive.
(some of them had theirs on since 1984)

Here in Florida, no one has ever heard of it yet.
Though it’s a law down here to talk on your cell phone while driving.
You just have to.
What else are you going to do with your other hand?
(well, besides munching on a krispy kreme donut)

Another thing I noticed down here is,
there is a drive-thru for everything.

Drive-thru liquor stores,
Drive-thru tax refund help,
Drive-thru pharmacies.
How lazy can people be?

I hate it sometimes when I go to a department store,
and couldn’t find a parking spot
because someone is too lazy to return the shopping cart they used,
and just left it at the parking space.

Now why should they return it?
The store hired people to return it anyways, right?

Yes, but that’s not the point.
Somehow, someday that shopping cart will roll over and hit your car.
Especially with hurricane winds that plagued the nation,
then cause a scratch or a dent.

But why would you care,
That’s why you had insurance right?

And what is up with the shootings?
While I was watching the local news the other day,
This reporter was reporting,
(well, because that’s what reporters do)
That the local police enforcement had to upgrade their weapons,
To automatic rifles, and tasers.

The reason?
It’s for their own protection.
The criminals nowadays use state of the art modern weapons,
that the police are actually afraid of.

Wow!
I don’t think I can afford a taser,
and I am definitely a supporter of a gunless society,
so it’s a good thing I learned how to run fast,
in case the police is not around when I get mugged.

Okay, okay, enough of this whiny-crybaby rant of the day.

I better start packing.
I got to fly to Pennsylvania for a week for a cousin’s wedding.

Maybe this is my chance not to watch the news for a week.
Maybe this is my chance to lower my stress level.

Wait, June is the official start of the hurricane season.
Flights will be delayed or cancelled.

Damn it!!
I guess I can’t get rid of travel stress.

(Phone Rings)

Tracy: Why won’t he answer?

(Phone still rings)

Tracy: Where in the world are they?

(Click)

Tyrone: (crying)… Hello? … (sobs)

Tracy: What’s wrong? Why are you crying?

Tyrone: Oh honey, it’s horrible …(cries louder)

Tracy: What? What happened? What is that loud noise?

Tyrone: Huuuhuuuu … (cries, snorts, sobs…and speech garbled)…Frrrr..rrrlmst.rrrdied Huhuuu!!

Tracy: Who? What? Died?

Tyrone: (speech still distorted) Yes!!… Frrrr.rrrlmst.rrrdied… rrrrrgn..mstbcmekng!!

Tracy: (now freakin’ out) What? Honey what is happening???!!!
What is that noise? Where is Tyler?

Tyrone: (pauses the DVD)
I said!!!!!!! … Frodo almost died!! Aragorn must become king!

(silence)

Tracy: After I throw your “precious” movie in the trash,
I will kill you!

(Click)

Tyrone: Hello? Honey? … Hello?

Was it something I said?

See….
I bought “ROTK” yesterday.

And this is why nobody bothers me when I watch the “Trilogy“.

Yesterday for lunch,
Tracy and I tried to make some home made shrimp tempura.

See, if you hang out with my family,
you would learn that “Seafood” to us is not just a delicacy.
It’s a freakin’ addiction.

And I’ll be the first one to admit.
I’ll trade in my left leg for a lobster,
my other leg for crabs and mussels,
and my left nut for sushi.
(I would give my arm but I need them to pry open the lobsters.)

Anyway,
Back to my tempura,
Tracy was deep frying every one of them,
but the shrimps never make it to the dining table.
Since, like any other seafood loving guy,
(or any food loving guy for that matter)
I jump on them as soon as it comes out of the frier.

“MMMmmmmmmmm……
I Heart Tempuras!”

But to my surprise,
Something went terribly wrong.

I started having “Welps” on my face.
And I mean welps like you’re looking at my face is like
looking at the World Atlas.

You could easily mistake the Gigantinormous shape right below my left eye
as the African continent,
(okay maybe not that big, I just wanted to use the word “gigantinormous”)

then draw a line SouthWest of my nose,
and you’ll hit South America,
While Canada and Greenland is starting to blur my vision
for it is just beside my freakin’ eyelid.

And my whole face feels hot.
Very hot.

Allergic reaction?

Unbelievable!

I have been consuming hordes of ocean marine life
since I was a little kid.
And I can outlast most of my family at all-you-can-eat seafood restaurants.

This can not be right!
This can not be!

I guess some people just develop new allergy reactions as they grow old.

First Beer, then this?

Not good.
Not good at all.
This is soooooooo Bad News!!!

Well, at least I’ve got some good news.

I just saved a load of money on my insurance,
just by switching to Geico.

Well, no. Not really.
But that would have been cool.
And a nice ending for this crap.

PS —
The plate of leftover tempura shrimp is still in our fridge.
And it’s calling my name like I owe it child support.
Oh God, Help me!!!!

The weather was perfect,
The chapel was beautiful,
The minister was great,
The ceremony was joyful,
My son, the best man, looked dashing,
My Bride looked beautiful and stunning.

I could not have asked for a better wedding for Tracy and me.
Everything was just great.

Tyler walked her mother down the aisle,
as our mothers looked joyfully.

Tracy was right,
We did not need a big wedding.

I wanted to give her the best.
I wanted all of our friends and family to be there.
I want her to remember this day blissfully.

But she said,
I don’t want all the glamour and stress of a wedding.
I just want you to be my husband.
And spend the rest of my days with you.

As we looked into each others eyes.
While we say our vows,
I saw all the tough times we have been through,
I saw the happiness she has given me,
I saw the love we have for each other.

Although I must confess,
A promise was broken.

As I hear the voice of our son,
trying to break free from his grandmother,
wanting to come and join us at the altar.

As I say the words “I do.”
I broke a promise.

What promise?

Well,
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.