One of the funniest questions I have often been asked is,
“What in the world happened to you?”
This is true in so many aspects in my life.
Not just my life.
But life in general.
I have been living in the States for almost 10 years now.
I moved here from Canada.
Of course, during that amount of time,
you tend to lose contact with friends and acquaintances.
I got in touch with some of them when I went up there for a visit not too long ago,
and it’s amazing how many times I was asked that question.
“Ano nangyari sa’yo? Ang pangit mo na!”
(What happened to you? You’ve become so ugly.)
Physical appearance is a big factor for sure.
Not just us Filipinos, but also those people who think you are close.
The “Whatever happened to you?” part I don’t mind so much.
The latter part is what I just can’t believe.
It has been 10 years.
I am not the same person 10 years ago.
That’s ten digits added to my age.
Of course I will look different.
Ugly? Yes. Maybe.
But to mention it out loud, is very rude.
It was rude 10 years ago, and it’s still rude today.
And if they ever get confronted with their rudeness
they would say “I’m just being honest.”
Or “I’m just a very direct person.”
Yes you may be.
But that does not give you the right to be a fucking asshole.
Asshole!
I have also had conversations where I was asked,
“Whatever happened to you? You used to be so cheerful and optimistic.”
Let me tell you what happened.
Life.
Life happened.
It is not fair and not balanced.
It has a tendency to help only those people who are
a) Good looking
and b) Have money.
I have said that before and I will stand by it.
“But Ty, there are other people who are in worse situations than you.”
Now listen, Dr. Phil.
I don’t fucking get whenever people say that to me.
I am not stupid!
I know there are people who are suffering more than me.
Don’t fucking tell me not to be sad.
I have a right to be sad.
Telling someone don’t be sad because there are other people more sad than you
is like saying don’t be happy because there are people happier than you.
(I read that somewhere, I can’t remember where now.)
Life is not fair, I know that.
But at least, can it be unfair in my favour?
No. It won’t.
You know why?
Because I am ugly and have no money.
Life made me sadder.
But in consolation, I guess it made me wiser.
“Whatever happened to you, Ty?
You used to be very religious and God fearing?”
Now listen to me and listen close.
The mere fact that I am questioning God
proves that I still believe in Him.
God Fearing? Yes. Still. Maybe.
Who wouldn’t fear a supreme being who has the power
to either make your life a happy one or be a miserable one.
I may have reached a point in my faith
where I am starting to use the question, “Why?”
Why would someone who loves me, allow me to end up this way?
Why would someone who loves me, allow the ones I hold most dear suffer?
You know. Just those little things.
I mean, wouldn’t you help those people you love?
Wouldn’t you hear their cries and their heart break?
Would you tell them not to be sad because there are other people who are worse than them?
Would you tell them they have become ugly too?
You would?
You wouldn’t?
What in the hell happened to you?