Steve Irwin shows off by endangering his 1 month old son.
— I hope your son does the exact same thing to you when he’s the Croc hunter and you’re a 75 year old, invalid, Croc of crap.

Britney Spears got married and had the marriage annulled right away.
— The whole world gets a sigh of relief. Phew!
That poor guy must have been traumatized.

NASA‘s Rover lands on Mars.
— Should I be proud to say that I am excited about this news?
This has to be the coolest news ever!

Japanese researchers say that the action of peeling fruit, enhances a portion of the brain.
— I know what that portion is called.
It’s called the portion where you think to yourself,
“I hate to have to peel this fruit, I am freaking hungry” .. Geez!
Oh yeah, by the way, still no cure for Cancer.

New Osama Bin Laden tape received.
— With all these tapes of him being sent in.
Maybe it’s an audition tape for another one of those Reality TV Shows.

And that’s just the first week of the Year.
Fun times ahead huh?