I just had an epiphany!

Every time I get sick like this,
I always hope for one thing.

Not to have the coughs.

I can take any pain and discomfort
any condition would befall me.
But not the coughs.

And what did I get?

The “Coughs from Hell.”
The worst kind.
The kind that makes your nuts fall off.

I always get the ones I don’t hope for.
It never fails.

So I said to myself,

I said, “Self..”
“Didn’t you ever notice that we always get what we don’t want?”

And my Self said,
“You know, you’re right!”

“We hoped not to get sick. We did.”
“We hoped for the Senators to win. They didn’t.”
“We hope not to get stuck in traffic. We always do.”
“We hoped to visit the Philippines or Canada. We couldn’t”

(Light bulb on top of my head)

“Jeebus Man!”
“That’s why we can never have any Money!”

“Stop hoping for it!”

(Silence)

“And stop hoping for that other thing too!”

“Maybe it’ll become yours!”

(Silence)

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I have no idea.”

— and this, my friends, is what happens
when I wait for the Ambien to kick in.

For some reason,
I find it funny,
that RUN D.M.C.
may have gotten their name by clicking on

START

RUN

type “CMD”

—
Then not too long ago,
it just dawned on me.

That IHOP,
stands for,

International House Of Pancakes.

Hahhahaa!!!

Man, I am a dork.

Finally!

A win!

The Ottawa Senators won game 3.
Such a sweet victory on home ice.

And Finally.
NBC decided to cover the Stanley Cup playoffs.

It was a good thing they showed it too.
Because I do not think I can handle anymore aggravation,
not being able to watch the final hockey series.

Game 1 was not televised, since the Miss Universe pageant was on.
And that one I didn’t mind so much,
because I like to look at beautiful women.
(Hey! I am a guy. It’s in my DNA.)

Plus watching the pageant was educational for me.
At the beginning of the show,
the ladies wore their country’s national costume.

Miss Canada wore a hockey outfit with a hockey stick at hand,
Miss USA wore an Elvis suit, with a guitar at hand,
And so if Miss Australia was wearing nothing but a bathing suit,
I am soooo moving there!

Game 2 was not televised as well,
Since NBC decided to show a marathon of the
“Most outrageous moments in television.”

Now I like comedy.
But I do not need a tv marathon to remind me how dumb people are.
If I wanted to be reminded of that.
I’ll just take a drive around this town.
Go to the nearest mall.
Or just look at my next door neighbor.

Man, if you think humanity can not get any dumber,
I’ll introduce them to you.

But, Alas!
Game 3!
I have watched its full entirety.

Even though my Senators gave me quite a scare,
trailing behind the Ducks for most of the first two periods.
They played an amazing game.
They deserved to win tonight.

I also realized that as much as I enjoy watching a hockey game,
and how much I complain about these TV stations
not giving it enough attention
or air time,
maybe it’s better that way.

I realized how emotional I get when I watch it.

I end up screaming and talking to the TV,
Like I invented the game
and act like I am better than all of these players
and the coaches combined.
I do this wearing my Senators outfit and hat.

Hmm.
Come to think of it.
Maybe that’s why my neighbors look at me
like I’m some sort of a weird dumb freak.

No matter!
My Senators team won tonight!

At least I go to bed with a smile on my face.

Ramenons la coupe!
Sénateurs d’Ottawa.

I don’t normally write about the shows I watch on this site,
because from my long years of TV watching experience,
I have learned that every thing I say about anything,
has an equal and opposite criticism.

That’s why I try to keep my mouth shut.

Now if you have been following my writings,
you know that that previous statement is a lie.

(more…)

Issue:
Game 3 last night.
And Heroes was also on.

Analysis:
Do not watch Heroes, while listening to the Hockey Game.

Consequence:
You will understand neither.

End Result:
Head will hurt.

\Noted.
\\Doesn’t want Heroes to end.
\\\Prays for a sweep 4-0.

I actually went out and got Windows Vista.

It doesn’t like my Sound Card,
It doesn’t like my TV Tuner Card,
It doesn’t like my music softwares,
It doesn’t like my recording softwares,
It doesn’t like my printer,

It doesn’t like me.

What an “effin” mistake that was!
Jeebus! When am I going to learn?

Sometime last week,
I was summoned at the U.S. Dept. of H. S.
For a biometrics appointment,
to renew my documents in staying here.

So anyway, as I got there,

(more…)

You know what this site needs?

Fans.

I need some avid readers or listeners.
Kind of like, returning customers.
Or groupies.

Yeah!
That’s right.
I want to generate a lot of traffic on this thing.

Maybe I should do more advertising. Like this one.

Create more interesting games or contests, like this one.

Plug this site on your local news, like this one.

You don’t have to be dedicated, like this one.

Or go to the extreme, like this one.

Just show me your love, like this one.

So come one, come all.
Call your friends.

Enjoy the show.

Okay okay!
Alright.
These images are not real.
They are all generated.

Except for this guy.
He really loves me.

-I know, I know.
I am going straight to Hell for that last one.

A couple of weeks ago,
my brother and I were talking about choosing a school for kids.

What to look for,
what to expect,
and what to ask the administration
about how they run the facilities.

Then he asked me,

“When you fill out the forms, what Ethnicity, would you put Tyler in?”

I didn’t know what to answer,
since my son is multi-racial.

To be honest,
I never really thought about it.
I do not know where to sign him up as.

So anyway,
Yesterday, I finally figured out what ethnicity my son is.

How, you ask?

Well, after eating lunch yesterday,
and after tidying up the table,
I asked him if he wants some more juice to drink,
he looked up at me,

and lo and behold,

he’s got rice on his cheek
and some on his shirt.

There you go.

He is a true “Filipino.”

Case closed.

Year after year, on Christmas,
you always feel the same way.

Wondering when and where Christmas became different in your life.

(more…)