A funny little thing I noticed,
while driving around town.
And when I say funny, I mean downright dangerous.

See, I have always been curious.
How come when I am on a stop light,
and the light turns green,
it would probably take at least 5 – 10 seconds,
before the cars in front of me start moving.

Seems like the cars right by the stoplight,
hesitates for a couple of seconds before they
step on the gas.

And when I happen to be up front,
I start going as soon as the lights turn green.
And no car seems to follow me,
for a good couple of seconds.
And I always wondered why.

Any driver out there knows,
that the traffic lights operate sequentially.
So by the time I realize it’s going to be my turn,
I start getting ready to go.

You know, it’s usually clockwise, Taking turns.
Those who are on a straight thru traffic first,
followed by those vehicles turning left.
All these, in a given amount of time.

Anyway, back to my story.
I just thought that the majority of drivers here,
doesn’t pay any attention to the said traffic sequence.
That they are not always prepared to go, as soon the light turns green.
(I mean, besides everyone continuously yaks on their cell phone)

Then I came to realize,
these people are smart.
They got it all down right.

The reason why no one starts moving right away
when the light turns green,
is because,

There will always be one or two assholes
who tries to beat the red light.

It’s true!!
It’s a freaking way of life down here!

They see the light already turned red,
and they still slam on the gas like
a one-legged guy in an ass kicking competition.

No wonder that everyday,
there’s always a car wreck.
Actually as I am writing this,
there was a breaking news flash on TV,
Saying that there was a head on collision
on an intersection about 10 miles from where I live.

You know why there’s a lot of accidents?

Too many drunk drivers.

Too many stoned drivers.

Teens, along with their friends in their borrowed car,
trying to act cool, hollering at people.

Little Mama’s boy over there with his supersonic, bass thumping stereo,
blasting like the asshole he is.
Oblivious to anything that is happening around him.

Super low self esteem guy over there, in his modified bike muffler,
Rev-ving like he wants his bike to fart bullets!
Trying to let everyone know that he’s passing by.

And speed demon over there too,
trying to prove to everyone that he may qualify for Nascar,
weaving in and out of traffic, giving himself a boner
everytime he cuts someone off.

There’s always someone dying from an automobile accident.
I always hear the Ambulance, Fire Trucks and the Police sirens
about 10, 15 times a day.

This may be acceptable if you live near a hospital,
a fire department or
near Danny Bonaduce.

But I am not.

And with the new law Florida has,
that allows you to shoot first and ask questions later,
there are only two things that comes in my mind.

First,
I knew I shouldn’t have skipped anger management classes.

And Second,
My God! I am going to die here!

Anyway.
Here are some cool links for you to enjoy,
to give you the illusion that I am
not scared for my life.

How to swear in different languages —> insults.net – (pop-up)
A free program to get rid of telemarketers —> phonetray.com
Bouncing Panda —> rubytooth.com
Unleash hell —> freeworldgroup.com
Test your lightsaber skills —> lostvectors.com

A toddler will spit out any kind of food,
if it is too hot.

Except,
fresh baked chocolate cookies.

Instead of spitting it out,
they would rather suffer and shake.

/Add that to the list.
//Gives the kid a drink.
///Refrains from laughing.

One of the things I learned about
being a father of a toddler,
is that you have to be quick on your toes
with regards to how your kid explores his own surroundings.

How they experiment with pretty much everything
they lay their hands upon.

I am talking about small odd things like:

How I found some toy cars inside the VCR.

A Yoyo inside my acoustic guitar.

Some of my guitar picks,
inside my slot loading DVD-ROM.

Buzz Lightyear inside the fridge.

Not to mention,
even more odd things like,

Drinking the Soy Sauce, from the bottle.

And, how he tried mixing Milk with Root Beer,
and him drinking it.
(This wouldn’t have bothered me,
if he didn’t say “Yummy” afterwards.)

You know,
stuff like that.

Although there’s one thing I just found out,
that Tyler experimented on,
which I must admit,
took me days to figure out.

Well,
for a while now,
I have been trying to figure out
why I was having problems with the sound on my Electric Guitar.

Some days I just couldn’t get any sound to come out,
and if I did,
it produces some kind of muffled but cracking noise.

Then today.
I figured it out.

It wasn’t my guitar

It was this —->

AHHH!!
The excitement of parenthood!!

Well, it’s not really an observation,
but more of a comparison, really.

See, yesterday was Memorial Day,
and it’s an official Holiday here in the States.
So everyone gets to thank their War Heroes,
by remembering their great sacrifice.
And, of course it’s a perfect excuse to party,
since it’s a long weekend.

We too have this holiday in Canada,
but it’s called Remembrance Day.
(I think in Newfoundland it’s Memorial Day.)

Though the main difference is, it’s not a long weekend for us.
Only for the people who work for the government.
It’s a holiday for them.
I think they are the only ones allowed to thank and remember Canada’s fallen heroes.
Only they have this privilege.
As well as having 265 extra days of paid vacation holidays yearly.
But anyway,

I told you that story to tell you this story.

Since it was a holiday here,
people normally have holiday travel plans.
And there are lots of people who were out driving on the roads.

As we were driving down the InterState,
I passed by these gang of cops,
trying to catch everyone who were speeding.
(End of the month quota, I presume)

I was speeding too, but luckily there were lots of cars before me,
so I had ample time to squeeze in some brake action.

After I passed the “speed patrol squad”,
there were a bunch of cars behind me,
flashing their lights, rapidly.
I thought they were trying to tell me something,
like, my tires were flat, or my tail light fell off.

But, Tracy told me, that here in the States,
it’s an unwritten rule for motorists,
that when there are speed traps on their way,
you get to warn other cars by flashing your lights rapidly.

It’s a bond they share, I guess.

See, I didn’t know that.

In the Philippines,
when you flash your lights to oncoming cars,
it basically means,
‘Yo. What’s up?

In Canada,
when you flash your lights rapidly like that,
it means,
“God I hope somebody sees me in this blizzard!”

You see?
I know this website is crappy,
and a waste of time,
but sometimes I give you some educational info,
or little tidbits and facts.

It’s my little contribution to everyone out there.
(And by everyone, I mean the three of you who reads this site.)

Though sometimes, I say stuff here with no sense.
And I don’t blame you for not believing me.
I rarely have any idea what I am talking about.

Plus I am a compulsive liar.
I have this uncontrollable urge to lie.
In fact I am lying to you right now.

A couple of days ago,
I was having this dilemma,
and I was debating if I should call someone for help or not.

I would have called Tracy,
but she was at work and I did not want to bother her.

I would have searched the internet,
but Tyler was running around, and I need to keep an eye on him.
(Plus, I would get sidetracked looking at “other stuff” anyway.)

I knew it was quite embarrassing,
but I just swallowed my pride,
called my mother,
and waited for her to laugh at me.

(Phone Rings)

Hello?

Hi Mother! It’s me.
I have a little problem. Are you busy?

What? No, I am not busy. Are you okay?

No. I am not actually.

What’s wrong?

Well, it’s a little embarrassing,
but I really do not know what I am doing wrong.
I tried over and over again,
but I just can’t get it quite right.

Well, what is it?

Eerrrrr…. How do you make grilled cheese?

Echoes of laughter can be heard here.
I think even our neighbors heard me.

Laugh all you want.
But to me, one of the things that really makes me happy,
is when Tyler eats what I prepared for him.
It really bothers me when he does not eat.

I just think that nutrition is something very important at this age.
Plus, I suppose I got this attitude towards food
while growing up in the Philippines.
Because there, people eat like Hobbits.

And I am also trying my best to be the “Perfect Parent”.
I have even subjected myself to read some parenting books,
research some parenting advice online,
even watch shows of Dr. Phil. (God I hate that man.)

So anyway,
after my conversation with my Mother,
I learned two important things.

First.
There is no such thing as a “Perfect parent”.

And second,
Put the butter on the bread first.

10 Best things about owning your house

10. You can re-paint your walls if you want to.
Unless you like that dull eggshell color.

9. No more asking for permission, whenever you need to drill holes
or install new utilities.

8. I don’t hear my neighbors pee at 3 am anymore.

7. I don’t share my yard with anyone anymore.

6. Tax off at the end of the year.

5. When you go to Home Depot, You feel like you really belong,
even if you only have to buy a single light bulb.

4. When something goes bump in the night, you know it’s not your neighbor,
because you are not attached to them anymore, so the bump is quite “legit”.
(okay that might not be a good thing)

3. Three words, Bar — Bee — Cue!!!

2. You decide if you can have a pet or not.

and

1. A totally new meaning for “Home-Sweet-Home”.

Thanks to our family and friends who supported us.
Thanks to HGTV, for giving us the inspiration and a lot of ideas.
Thanks to U-Haul for charging me a fortune.
Thanks to the government for increasing the gas prices,
when I needed to go back and forth between two houses.

Thanks to Tyler who has been very patient during the move.
Thanks to Tracy for making this house purchase possible,
and not signing a pre-nup when we got married.
Also, thanks to God for not letting me kill myself from all the stress.

Amen.

10 things I realized,
while watching the 2004 MTV Video Music Awards.

First,
I don’t enjoy it anymore.

Second,
How I miss the good old days of “Real” Rock and Roll.

Third,
Where did “Hard Rock” go?

Fourth,
In my day, when an artist sings a ballad,
the audience uses their cigarette lighters for effects.
Now, they all use the glow on their cell phones, and raise them up high.

Fifth,
It doesn’t matter if you can perform or not, it’s all about the image.

Sixth,
Since everything is all about image, the true message of the song is forgotten.

Seventh,
Lenny Kravitz, (a Jimi Hendrix wannabe), was a presentor
and was given the chance to perform with Alicia Keys and Stevie Wonder.
And they only allotted 30 seconds to pay homage to Ray Charles.

Eighth,
What kind of a name is HoobaStank?

Ninth,
I should have watched the Olympics Closing ceremonies instead.

Tenth,
As I quote Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon,
“I am getting too old for this crap.”

In honor of yesterday’s celebration.
I did what any stay-at-home dad would do.

Right when Tyler was taking his nap,
I had me some microwave-nuked leftovers,
Popped in the DVD,
Grabbed the remote,
Sat on the couch.

Ahhhhhhhh…..

What movie you ask?

Well, what else?
ID4 – Independence Day

Pretty good movie.
Not bad at all.

Although, I realized something.

At the scene where, the First Lady dies,
and also the scene where the President was giving that speech
before they all go up to fight the aliens.

I started crying.
And I mean crying with a “pause”.
You know, the “pause” that you have to do to catch your breath.

But I did not give in.
I fought it like a brave soldier at the beach of Normandy.

As I finished the movie, I turned it off,
and the TV kicks on to it’s regular broadcasting.

Oprah was on.
And it was about lost family reunions.

When the daughter finally saw her dad after 20 years,
my eyes started to water again.

Damnit!!!!

So, now I realized what being a “Stay-At-Home” dad has done to me.
I comprehended what kind of transformation I have identified.
I became aware of the predicament I have become.
There is no sense to remedy this dilemma.

I have become a WOMAN!

Hear me roar!

Ooohhh, my wife is gonna get some good lovin’ tonight.

Here are some cool links for some better amusement.
Because, I surf the interwebnet, so you don’t have to.

Shoot some fireworks at different places —> Phantom Fireworks
How about a game of Crazy Golf? —> Crazy Golf
Or a new game of Pinball? —> Pepsi Pinball
A cool link for Bass Players —> UBP
Mix it up with Tyrone —> Dave Chappelle Sound Board
Signs that you should know —> Government Signs
Port-a-Potty of the future —> Toilet
Know the Speed traps in your area —> Speed Traps
There is no “I” in TEAM, (yeah but there’s “M” and “E”… ME!) —> Cheerleader mistake
10 Foods you shouldn’t eat —> Nutrition Action

You know it’s great when your friends share their knowledge with you.
Friendly advice, voice their opinions
or just share their experiences.

I also like it when they forward wisdom emails.
You know what I mean?

Those forwarded emails that have traveled the world multiple times.
Those forwarded mails with a moral lesson at the end.
Those emails that you never read because they were too long, and doesn’t even have any pictures.
Those emails that wants you to forward it to all the people on your address book
because, well, because we are stupid
and we like to spread viruses. Not to mention Spam.

So anyway,
A good friend of mine sent me this email.

Let’s call this friend Chi-chi,
(well, because she is my friend, and that’s really her name)

She sent me this excellent words-of-wisdom-email,
But she was smart.
She knew I wasn’t gonna read long useless emails.
So she just picked the ones that she thinks are the best.
And here they are:

I HAVE LEARNED

I’ve learned…..
that the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
I’ve learned…..
that being kind is important than being right.
I’ve learned…..
that it’s those small daily happenings that makes life so spectacular.
I’ve learned…..
that having a child fall asleep in your arm is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
and
I’ve learned…..
that money doesn’t buy class.

Wasn’t that nice?

So, as a friend,
I shared to her what I have learned and a very important one at that.

I’ve learned not to take “laxatives” and “sleeping pills” at the same time.

Lesson learned.

Okay enough of this “crap”.
Here are some cool links to “waste” some time.

Seacrest Out!
(God, that was gay!)

Just a big fan of this show –> Family Guy Quotes
Witness what people type on search engines in real time –> Metacrawler
One of my favorite Atari Games –> Kaboom
This test says I am “moderately annoying” –> amiannoying.com
One of the coolest Flash animations I have seen –> We Will Rock You
Redneck Rules of Etiquette –> Redneckrules
I hate dead webpages –> Cannot Find Server