Now I know I live in the States – Thoughts and observations #3

There is one thing I would like to try.

I would like to try and not watch the news for like a week.
Maybe a month.
And see how much it affects my stress level.

Living here in the States surely has elevated my stress color to Orange or Red,
or whatever color signifies “paranoia“.

Every single day,
Somebody gets shot.

Every single day,
There is a major car wreck, causing major traffic.

Every single day,
A child gets abducted.

Every single day,
Another American soldier gets killed.

The weather threatens to disrupt your everyday plans.
Either you’ll die from heat stroke, or blown away by a tornado,
or drown in a hurricane flood, or be evacuated from forest fires.

In Canada, we only have two weather seasons.
Winter and Road Construction.
That’s it!
Either you’ll die from freezing or you’ll die from car repair costs.
Plain and simple.

Also, in Canada, people there use their turn signal lights when they drive.
(some of them had theirs on since 1984)

Here in Florida, no one has ever heard of it yet.
Though it’s a law down here to talk on your cell phone while driving.
You just have to.
What else are you going to do with your other hand?
(well, besides munching on a krispy kreme donut)

Another thing I noticed down here is,
there is a drive-thru for everything.

Drive-thru liquor stores,
Drive-thru tax refund help,
Drive-thru pharmacies.
How lazy can people be?

I hate it sometimes when I go to a department store,
and couldn’t find a parking spot
because someone is too lazy to return the shopping cart they used,
and just left it at the parking space.

Now why should they return it?
The store hired people to return it anyways, right?

Yes, but that’s not the point.
Somehow, someday that shopping cart will roll over and hit your car.
Especially with hurricane winds that plagued the nation,
then cause a scratch or a dent.

But why would you care,
That’s why you had insurance right?

And what is up with the shootings?
While I was watching the local news the other day,
This reporter was reporting,
(well, because that’s what reporters do)
That the local police enforcement had to upgrade their weapons,
To automatic rifles, and tasers.

The reason?
It’s for their own protection.
The criminals nowadays use state of the art modern weapons,
that the police are actually afraid of.

Wow!
I don’t think I can afford a taser,
and I am definitely a supporter of a gunless society,
so it’s a good thing I learned how to run fast,
in case the police is not around when I get mugged.

Okay, okay, enough of this whiny-crybaby rant of the day.

I better start packing.
I got to fly to Pennsylvania for a week for a cousin’s wedding.

Maybe this is my chance not to watch the news for a week.
Maybe this is my chance to lower my stress level.

Wait, June is the official start of the hurricane season.
Flights will be delayed or cancelled.

Damn it!!
I guess I can’t get rid of travel stress.

(Phone Rings)

Tracy: Why won’t he answer?

(Phone still rings)

Tracy: Where in the world are they?

(Click)

Tyrone: (crying)… Hello? … (sobs)

Tracy: What’s wrong? Why are you crying?

Tyrone: Oh honey, it’s horrible …(cries louder)

Tracy: What? What happened? What is that loud noise?

Tyrone: Huuuhuuuu … (cries, snorts, sobs…and speech garbled)…Frrrr..rrrlmst.rrrdied Huhuuu!!

Tracy: Who? What? Died?

Tyrone: (speech still distorted) Yes!!… Frrrr.rrrlmst.rrrdied… rrrrrgn..mstbcmekng!!

Tracy: (now freakin’ out) What? Honey what is happening???!!!
What is that noise? Where is Tyler?

Tyrone: (pauses the DVD)
I said!!!!!!! … Frodo almost died!! Aragorn must become king!

(silence)

Tracy: After I throw your “precious” movie in the trash,
I will kill you!

(Click)

Tyrone: Hello? Honey? … Hello?

Was it something I said?

See….
I bought “ROTK” yesterday.

And this is why nobody bothers me when I watch the “Trilogy“.

Yesterday for lunch,
Tracy and I tried to make some home made shrimp tempura.

See, if you hang out with my family,
you would learn that “Seafood” to us is not just a delicacy.
It’s a freakin’ addiction.

And I’ll be the first one to admit.
I’ll trade in my left leg for a lobster,
my other leg for crabs and mussels,
and my left nut for sushi.
(I would give my arm but I need them to pry open the lobsters.)

Anyway,
Back to my tempura,
Tracy was deep frying every one of them,
but the shrimps never make it to the dining table.
Since, like any other seafood loving guy,
(or any food loving guy for that matter)
I jump on them as soon as it comes out of the frier.

“MMMmmmmmmmm……
I Heart Tempuras!”

But to my surprise,
Something went terribly wrong.

I started having “Welps” on my face.
And I mean welps like you’re looking at my face is like
looking at the World Atlas.

You could easily mistake the Gigantinormous shape right below my left eye
as the African continent,
(okay maybe not that big, I just wanted to use the word “gigantinormous”)

then draw a line SouthWest of my nose,
and you’ll hit South America,
While Canada and Greenland is starting to blur my vision
for it is just beside my freakin’ eyelid.

And my whole face feels hot.
Very hot.

Allergic reaction?

Unbelievable!

I have been consuming hordes of ocean marine life
since I was a little kid.
And I can outlast most of my family at all-you-can-eat seafood restaurants.

This can not be right!
This can not be!

I guess some people just develop new allergy reactions as they grow old.

First Beer, then this?

Not good.
Not good at all.
This is soooooooo Bad News!!!

Well, at least I’ve got some good news.

I just saved a load of money on my insurance,
just by switching to Geico.

Well, no. Not really.
But that would have been cool.
And a nice ending for this crap.

PS —
The plate of leftover tempura shrimp is still in our fridge.
And it’s calling my name like I owe it child support.
Oh God, Help me!!!!

The weather was perfect,
The chapel was beautiful,
The minister was great,
The ceremony was joyful,
My son, the best man, looked dashing,
My Bride looked beautiful and stunning.

I could not have asked for a better wedding for Tracy and me.
Everything was just great.

Tyler walked her mother down the aisle,
as our mothers looked joyfully.

Tracy was right,
We did not need a big wedding.

I wanted to give her the best.
I wanted all of our friends and family to be there.
I want her to remember this day blissfully.

But she said,
I don’t want all the glamour and stress of a wedding.
I just want you to be my husband.
And spend the rest of my days with you.

As we looked into each others eyes.
While we say our vows,
I saw all the tough times we have been through,
I saw the happiness she has given me,
I saw the love we have for each other.

Although I must confess,
A promise was broken.

As I hear the voice of our son,
trying to break free from his grandmother,
wanting to come and join us at the altar.

As I say the words “I do.”
I broke a promise.

What promise?

Well,
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

Just watched the final episode of Friends.
No wonder my friends are crazy about it.
That is a funny show.

Now it’s too late to get into the circle. (“of friends”….get it? Hahahha!!)
And there is no damn way I am buying the DVD.

And..
Tracy’s mom is here,
And my mom is coming tomorrow for our wedding on Saturday.

Tyler’s two grandmas under one roof.
He is “SO” going to be spoiled.
And we are “SO” gonna have some good food!

Oh Yeah!
I like food!!

I think women will agree with me
when I say that Men are not as sweet or as caring
as they used to be towards them.

You know what I mean,
roses, chocolates, love letters, talking on the phone for hours,
open doors, assist you when you sit, sweet talks, whispering of sweet nothings,
kissing, nibbling, holding hands, saying I love you’s…
and just the effort of giving in to whatever the woman needs.

Sounds like a romantic novel or a girlie movie film right?

This also was manifested in the old, medieval days of Knights and Princesses,
Kings and Queens, Rich girls and poor farm boys… You know the stories.

Let’s say, a damsel is in distress, a lady or a princess is in need,
where she waits for her Knight in a shining armour, with his Noble white horse,
eager to rescue her from the deadly grasps of a fire breathing dragon,
on the highest tower of it’s lair.

The elegant, brave and charming Knight
faces all obstacles, hindrances and challenges that comes his way.
And he conquers them all with no fear, just to rescue the love of his life.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!

See, this is what women want.
This is what they dream of.
Their Knight in shining armour, coming to their rescue.

This is Chivalry.
This is what they say is dead.

But I beg to disagree.

Chivalry is very much alive in our very own modern day to day living.
We just have to look at it in a very different way.

Let me prove my point.
Let me tell you a story about a guy I know.

This guy, let’s name him….say …Sir Tyrone from the land of Guitaria.
Finds out that his desired woman .. let’s name her…say…
Princess Tracy from the Kingdom of Medicina.

He finds out that his woman is out of a very necessary commodity…let’s say….Coffee.
This is a very important need especially in the hours of sunrise.

Our brave Knight would not let her Princess be in a dire predicament,
so he tries to asses the situation.
Since it’s already in an unholy hour of 10:00 at night,
and our Knight is also not feeling well, from sneezing and sinus allergies
he acquired from going to the park,
he presented himself to go out on a journey,
to fulfill his quest, amidst the dark and suspicious road
that leads to the Dragon’s Lair (“Convenience store”).

He courageously rides his noble steed (“the car”),
and attentively drove off, while dodging perilous obstacles, (“road hazards, pot holes, other cars…etc.”)

Arrives at his destination, confident to find the said article of goods,
which was in aisle 6,
and proudly acquire his lady’s favorite brand.

But to his horror and dismay, the one that her lady desires was not there.
An empty portion of the shelf, right beside the decaf ones.

God forbid if our hero brings back decaf!

So he thinks quickly.
Sees the lady by the counter who obviously was not in a good mood
for working late at night (“The Dragon”).

Our Hero asks her if they have the desired article in stock somewhere in the back.

She answered,
“We only got what you see in the shelf” quite rudely. (“Bad Dragon”)

Sir Tyrone got a whiff of the lady’s breath
which was somewhat on the unpleasant side. (“Bad Fire-breathing dragon”).

Our hero attempts to smile, and hold his breath at the same time.
(“Bravery and quick wit at a time of pressure”)

Quickly returns to the shelf and tried to think.
He thought hard.
Then he saw a glimpse of the desired article at the back,
right beside a weird Italian brand which I can not pronounce.

Grabs it and seized the moment!
He Carpe’d the Cafe!

He returns to his lovely lady,
presenting her with her treasure,
and pays him back with a smile and a kiss.

It’s all worth it, for that one kiss.

End of story.

In conclusion,

Chivalry is not dead.
Just out of stock.

That must have been the stupidest post I have ever done.
Shheeeeeeeessshhh!!!

Anyway,
Here are some cool links for us to get our minds off of this crap.

A panoramic view of world places —> Geo Images
My heart line says it’s full of Big Mac —> Palm Reading
Remember the old Atari game TANK? —> Turbo Tanks
Yet another Pingu – Yeti Game —> Yeti Sports

It was a very nice day today,
so Tracy and I decided to do some yard work.
Actually, I decided it, and she did all the work.

So anyway,
while she was pulling out all the weeds,
Tyler was just running around all over the place trying to help.
Then all of a sudden, Tyler tried to spit.

See, Filipino’s have this bad habit of spitting anywhere they can.

The moment Tracy saw Tyler trying his best to spit,
She looks up at me and says:

“Look at your son! Now where in the world would he get that from?”

So, I told her the truth…..

“Damn that Sesame Street!”

We have searched high and low,
We have searched far and wide,
We have feared our hearts are torn,
Will you help us find the missing corn?

Click here —–>

I guess that’s what you do when you turn 18 months old.

It’s incredible how different customs and traditions are
when it comes to events and holidays.

Christmas, Halloween, Easter….
Everybody has their own way of spending these festivities.

Today, after church,
We were going to paint the eggs for Tyler to do his First Easter Egg hunt,
but we decided that he is still too young to help with the painting.
Well, actually, Tracy decided that.

Because, I have no clue.
I have never really participated nor experienced any Easter egg hunting in my life.
We do not do this in the Philippines.
At least not when I lived there.
And I was just too old to partake in this hunting gig while I lived in Canada.
So I never really know nor understand how a kid feels at Easter time.

See back home in the Philippines,
we celebrate Easter very early in the morning.
At dawn, and in Church.
We call it the “Salubong” (the meeting).

It is basically the highlight of a procession of both the images of Jesus and Mary,
meeting for the first time since the Lord resurrected from Death.
Their images on a big float, which came from 2 different points in town.

Then when they meet, Mary’s black veil will be lifted and replaced by a white one.
This is where the event organizers do the main show,
They sometimes train doves to take off the veil,
Or dress up a little kid as an angel and make them remove the veil and replace it.

Pretty neat, really.

Then, after the mass, we all have our breakfast with real Filipino delicacies.
Puto Bumbong, Bibingka, Palabok… and many more.

Hey hey hey, You know me.. I like food!!

But here in North America,
People do it differently.

First everyone goes to church, or better known as “The Great Fashion Show”.
Then this special day is celebrated by hiding all the Easter eggs,
tell the kids, a certain Rabbit hid them,
and everyone races to find as many as they could.
With prices to win, and fun times to experience.

As long as nobody forgets the real reason we celebrate this event,
It’s all good, I always say.

I am just worried I might mix up all the traditions and practices I have acquired,
while living in different places.
And tell the stories to my grandchildren ….

Grandkids: Grandpa, what is Easter?

Me: (in a husky grandfather voice)
Kids, Easter is the day when we celebrate how the Lord died for the sins of mankind,
because they cannot find the hidden eggs, and then at dawn, He rose from the dead,
came out of his tomb, saw his shadow and we had 6 more weeks of winter.