October 25,

Progress

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Yesterday, I went to a friend’s retirement party.

I don’t know if I told you before but I am not into social gatherings.
Well, not anymore.
I used to.
For some reason, anxiety just grabbed a hold of me and won’t let go.
Maybe it’s insecurities, maybe I’m just not into anything that may lead into
me being humiliated or embarrassed.
I am not young anymore.
I am not hip with what’s new these days.

I say it’s progress because, I struggled with it all day,
and it took everything in me to buck up, get ready and go.
I fought with myself the whole way
from turning the car around and just forget it.
Make up some excuse for not going at all.

I did get there, eventually.
Saw other people.
Had conversations and jokes about everything.
Actually had a great time.
Plus, made my friend happy for showing up.

I carried myself well.
That’s progress for me.
It may be nothing to you,
but that is big for me.

I didn’t even feel the need to order alcoholic drinks just to fit in.
I wasn’t planning on drinking at all.
I didn’t need to pressure myself.
I was fine.

Though the only thing I had trouble with while I was there,
was ordering my drink for the night.
When the server asked me for my drink,
for some reason, I couldn’t pronounce “Arnold Palmer.”

Must be the Filipino in me.
My tongue just wouldn’t want to work it.
I guess saying it right will be my next progress report.

“UrrnnuldPulmur.”

Damn it!
I can’t do it!

The pweor of the hmuan mnid.

·

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the wrod as a wlohe.

Fcuknig amzanig huh?

Now hree are smoe gerat lnkis:

80’s arcade games are the shiznit! — 80’s Games
Here fishy fishy fishy! — Fish Flash
Why spend 9 bucks to see a movie? — Movie Spoiler.com

New and Improved

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As you have seen,
this site has a new interface.

It’s not really “NEW” and not really “IMPROVED”.
Just “DIFFERENT”.
I just seem to have problems viewing it with IE6.

“Thanks Microsoft!”

Let me know if you like it or not.

Thanks to Guitar-art for the background images.

Also, it is not quite done yet,
so please bear with me.

I do not understand

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I do not understand how this world is so unfair.
Hate and anger lurks inside my heart.
Lord sweet Jesus….please help me…one of these days….I do not know what to do.

I do not understand.

There are so many things to be done that you can’t do.
Things you want but you can’t have.
Time that you need but you do not have enough.
Time that you have but you can’t spend.
Songs that you can’t sing.
Music that you can’t play.
Knowledge that you can’t learn.
Food you can’t eat.
Clothes you can’t wear.
Words you can’t swear.
People who won’t accept you.
Things you have to go through.
The more you try, the more it’s not enough.
The more you think you are brave, you realize how scared you are.
The more smart you think you are, the more stupid you know you look.
Sunrise and sunsets you haven’t seen.
Grass you haven’t walked barefoot on.
Butterflies you can’t catch.
Flowers you haven’t smelled.
Places you haven’t been.
Movies you haven’t seen.
Nights you haven’t slept.
Tears you haven’t wept.
Rain you haven’t bathed in.
Words you wished you said but you didn’t.
Thoughts you have you wish would leave.
Friends you have are a million miles away.
People you love actually hates you.
People you haven’t met.
Sometimes you wish you never did.
Laughter that dies before it leaves your breath.
Anger that won’t come out.
Headaches you can’t bear.
Books you haven’t read.
Prayers you haven’t said.

I do not understand this cruel world we live in. Why is the glass half empty?
Why me? Why now? Why?

It all seems so stupid it makes me want to give up,
but why should I give up when it all seems so stupid. – Depeche Mode

Yeah you know what I am talking about!