I just had an epiphany!

Every time I get sick like this,
I always hope for one thing.

Not to have the coughs.

I can take any pain and discomfort
any condition would befall me.
But not the coughs.

And what did I get?

The “Coughs from Hell.”
The worst kind.
The kind that makes your nuts fall off.

I always get the ones I don’t hope for.
It never fails.

So I said to myself,

I said, “Self..”
“Didn’t you ever notice that we always get what we don’t want?”

And my Self said,
“You know, you’re right!”

“We hoped not to get sick. We did.”
“We hoped for the Senators to win. They didn’t.”
“We hope not to get stuck in traffic. We always do.”
“We hoped to visit the Philippines or Canada. We couldn’t”

(Light bulb on top of my head)

“Jeebus Man!”
“That’s why we can never have any Money!”

“Stop hoping for it!”

(Silence)

“And stop hoping for that other thing too!”

“Maybe it’ll become yours!”

(Silence)

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I have no idea.”

— and this, my friends, is what happens
when I wait for the Ambien to kick in.